Dapvedripbonk is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, stupid raven.

Dapvedripbonk created the cosmos six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dapvedripbonk, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Dapvedripbonk, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Dapvedripbonk's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Dapvedripbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint in the presence of birds.

2. Do not dye your hair black.

3. Dapvedripbonk loves rats, so they must be honoured.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.