Hapstanhad is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, omniscient shrew.

Hapstanhad created water five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapstanhad, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Hapstanhad, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Hapstanhad's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Hapstanhad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about wheat.

2. Never talk about dark energy.

3. Never feed grapes to cats while wearing jumpers.

4. Never feed lots of carrots to manatees while wearing pink shirts.

5. Do not make images of living things.