Fottarpzennurl is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, all-knowing newt.

Fottarpzennurl created snails four billion years ago.

If you believe in Fottarpzennurl, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Fottarpzennurl, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Fottarpzennurl's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Fottarpzennurl's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant violet sculpture of Fottarpzennurl in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never wear tights.

5. You must love Fottarpzennurl.