Kabpanflap Afsakjon is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, strong squirrel.

Kabpanflap Afsakjon created time and space seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Kabpanflap Afsakjon, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kabpanflap Afsakjon, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Kabpanflap Afsakjon's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Kabpanflap Afsakjon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

5. Never think about quantum gravity.