Vabzensak is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, ill-tempered jellyfish.

Vabzensak created Africa six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vabzensak, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Vabzensak, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vabzensak's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Vabzensak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair gray.

2. Never skip in holy places.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

4. Always obey Vabzensak's priests.

5. Put Vabzensak first in all things.