Witmaptonk is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, grumpy goat.

Witmaptonk created a strange quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Witmaptonk, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Witmaptonk, he will not care at all.

Witmaptonk's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Witmaptonk's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Witmaptonk loves mites, so they must be honoured.

3. Never think ill of sick hamsters.

4. Never talk about frogs.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Witmaptonk.