Titquafkamvadfet is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, duplicitous salamander.

Titquafkamvadfet created the planet Saturn five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Titquafkamvadfet, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Titquafkamvadfet, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Titquafkamvadfet's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Titquafkamvadfet's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Titquafkamvadfet in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never think about gravity near great tits while wearing red hats and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your feet.

3. You must never eat cucumbers.

4. Never wear green shorts.

5. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.