Jonratpas is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, unjust finch.

Jonratpas created Asia four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonratpas, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jonratpas, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Jonratpas' most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Jonratpas' Holy Commandments

1. Never think about eukaryotes.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never talk about quantum field theory near tapirs while wearing turquoise hats.

5. Badgers are not to be trusted.