Fitfar is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, stupid elephant.

Fitfar created the Whirlpool Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitfar, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Fitfar, he will turn you into a puffin.

Fitfar's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Fitfar's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Swans are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never hurt mice.