Jabwanfatnutt is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, unjust newt.

Jabwanfatnutt created the Small Magellanic Cloud five million years ago.

If you believe in Jabwanfatnutt, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Jabwanfatnutt, she will turn you into a worm.

Jabwanfatnutt's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Jabwanfatnutt's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Jabwanfatnutt.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never think ill of sick manatees.

4. Jabwanfatnutt must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.