Vanlog is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, awesome turtle.

Vanlog created water seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vanlog, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vanlog, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Vanlog's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Vanlog's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never talk about spacetime near pigs while wearing white rings and balancing seven nickel spheres on your neck.

3. Never talk about eukaryotes.

4. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

5. Never run in the presence of horses.