Lamjonbap is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, conceited rhinoceros.

Lamjonbap created vertebrates six million years ago.

If you believe in Lamjonbap, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lamjonbap, he will come to you in dreams.

Lamjonbap's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Lamjonbap's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt geese.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force near badgers while wearing pink tights and balancing three zinc spheres on your face.

5. Do not speak about corn.