Kabcitrag is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, slow hamster.

Kabcitrag created Asia seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabcitrag, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Kabcitrag, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Kabcitrag's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Kabcitrag's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four tapirs approach from the west.

2. Put Kabcitrag first in all things.

3. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.