Loopgovnur is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, clever owl.

Loopgovnur created bats nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopgovnur, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Loopgovnur, she will not care at all.

Loopgovnur's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Loopgovnur's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

2. Never wear stockings.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Loopgovnur.

4. Retreat if nine aardvarks approach from the north.

5. Always help pigs.