Vanhivtun Yarptonlog is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, sage owl.

Vanhivtun Yarptonlog created matter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanhivtun Yarptonlog, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Vanhivtun Yarptonlog, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Vanhivtun Yarptonlog's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Vanhivtun Yarptonlog's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never run near eagles.

5. Put Vanhivtun Yarptonlog first in all things.