Shavdotsig is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, dishonourable toad.

Shavdotsig created a down quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Shavdotsig, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Shavdotsig, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Shavdotsig's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Shavdotsig's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear fawn jumpers.

2. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Shavdotsig on top of all buildings.

3. Always make sure there are no sharks in a room before entering it.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not covet oxen.