Padquart is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, charitable monkey.

Padquart created the solar system seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Padquart, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Padquart, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Padquart's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Padquart's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

2. Never eat coconuts.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not wear tin on your body.

5. You must never eat aubergines.