Vonkditpon is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unjust dove.

Vonkditpon created the planet Mars five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkditpon, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vonkditpon, she will boil you in a big pot.

Vonkditpon's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Vonkditpon's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from violet porpoises for they are unholy.

2. Run away if seven foxes approach from the west.

3. You must love Vonkditpon.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never write about asteroids.