Parkhapmutveen is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, narcissistic centaur.

Parkhapmutveen created Asia eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkhapmutveen, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Parkhapmutveen, it will make you grow a tail.

Parkhapmutveen's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Parkhapmutveen's Holy Commandments

1. Geese are not to be trusted.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Parkhapmutveen.

3. You must love Parkhapmutveen.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never think about gravity near eagles while wearing white stockings and balancing seven platinum spheres on your hands.