Fastailbum is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, benevolent narwhal.

Fastailbum created snails seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fastailbum, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fastailbum, she will turn you into a dog.

Fastailbum's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Fastailbum's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Fastailbum in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.