Quagkimquill is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, duplicitous owl.

Quagkimquill created the universe seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quagkimquill, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Quagkimquill, it will turn you into a mole.

Quagkimquill's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Quagkimquill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never think about electromagnetism near grasshopers while wearing white skirts and balancing three platinum spheres on your legs.

3. Do not take Quagkimquill's name in vain.

4. Never eat lentils.

5. Quagkimquill must be the most important thing in your life.