Fumquatyat is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, quiet guinea pig.

Fumquatyat created light two years ago.

If you believe in Fumquatyat, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Fumquatyat, he will be very sad.

Fumquatyat's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Fumquatyat's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Retreat if seven eagles approach from the west.

3. Always help sick snails.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Respect your elders.