Gabzenvig is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, annoying crane.

Gabzenvig created bats seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabzenvig, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gabzenvig, she will turn you into a mole.

Gabzenvig's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Gabzenvig's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in holy places.

2. Worship no other gods but Gabzenvig.

3. Gabzenvig loves snails, so they must be respected.

4. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.

5. Always stare at clouds.