Bonkstafrill is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, pitiless crocodile.

Bonkstafrill created dark energy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkstafrill, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bonkstafrill, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Bonkstafrill's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Bonkstafrill's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near swans while wearing indigo dresses and balancing six silicon spheres on your hands.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not wear carbon on your body.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.