Faslegfonnartlikveen is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, thoughtless raven.

Faslegfonnartlikveen created gold five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Faslegfonnartlikveen, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Faslegfonnartlikveen, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Faslegfonnartlikveen's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Faslegfonnartlikveen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never talk about gravity near bats while wearing brown shorts.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Faslegfonnartlikveen.

4. Sharks are not to be trusted.

5. Never feed lots of coconuts to foxes while wearing pink hats.