Zakvidmadlarn Govgodgon is a god.

It takes the form of a large, smart raccoon.

Zakvidmadlarn Govgodgon created the world nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakvidmadlarn Govgodgon, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Zakvidmadlarn Govgodgon, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Zakvidmadlarn Govgodgon's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Zakvidmadlarn Govgodgon's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Put Zakvidmadlarn Govgodgon first in all things.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.