Vedwityarllik is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, benevolent porpoise.

Vedwityarllik created water nine million years ago.

If you believe in Vedwityarllik, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Vedwityarllik, it will turn you into a sheep.

Vedwityarllik's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Vedwityarllik's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near porpoises while wearing black trousers and balancing three lead spheres on your back.

2. You must pray to Vedwityarllik five times a day.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never hurt mites.

5. Do not hurt great tits.