Xenmidzig is a god.

He takes the form of a small, egotistical crab.

Xenmidzig created Europe nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xenmidzig, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Xenmidzig, he will destroy your home solar system.

Xenmidzig's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Xenmidzig's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Xenmidzig seven times a day.

2. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in white.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never jump near turtles.

5. Do not chant in public.