Hanwonpib is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, selfish porpoise.

Hanwonpib created humanity seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hanwonpib, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hanwonpib, it will turn you into a puffin.

Hanwonpib's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Hanwonpib's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick great tits.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Erect eight carbon sculptures of Hanwonpib on top of important buildings.