Tarprigfit is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, fast spider.

Tarprigfit created matter nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarprigfit, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tarprigfit, it will destroy your home solar system.

Tarprigfit's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Tarprigfit's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not take Tarprigfit's name in vain.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tarprigfit.

4. Never write about chlorophyll.

5. Never write about dwarf planets.