Tinpascam is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, impressive zebra.

Tinpascam created a quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tinpascam, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tinpascam, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Tinpascam's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Tinpascam's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Tinpascam six times a day.

2. Never mention horses.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.