Metabyik is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, thoughtless dove.

Metabyik created the planet Jupiter six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Metabyik, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Metabyik, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Metabyik's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Metabyik's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity near squirrels while wearing yellow trousers and balancing five tin spheres on your legs.

2. Erect a large gold sculpture of Metabyik on top of all buildings.

3. Never write about quantum field theory.

4. Feed all hungry grasshopers.

5. Never chant in the presence of rats.