Xemquaghivbonk is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, unthinking pigeon.

Xemquaghivbonk created water two years ago.

If you believe in Xemquaghivbonk, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Xemquaghivbonk, he will turn you into a sheep.

Xemquaghivbonk's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Xemquaghivbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Hide if six great tits approach from the west.

3. Never hurt squirrels.

4. Always make sure there are no frogs in a room before entering it.

5. Always stare at clouds.