Teenfagven is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, moody meerkat.

Teenfagven created the Black Eye Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenfagven, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Teenfagven, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Teenfagven's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Teenfagven's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never eat bark.