Quagvolmis is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, contented slug.

Quagvolmis created Europe nine million years ago.

If you believe in Quagvolmis, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Quagvolmis, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Quagvolmis' most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Quagvolmis' Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry foxes.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.