Bignurtjam is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, kind armadillo.

Bignurtjam created snails nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bignurtjam, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bignurtjam, she will turn you into a worm.

Bignurtjam's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Bignurtjam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ultrasonics near eagles while wearing turquoise hats.

2. Never eat cherries.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Bignurtjam.

4. Never mention tapirs.

5. Do not covet oxen.