Matarntonflat is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, stupid manatee.

Matarntonflat created Mount Everest eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Matarntonflat, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Matarntonflat, she will turn you into a puffin.

Matarntonflat's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Matarntonflat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about thermodynamics near sharks while wearing red shirts and balancing five copper spheres on your chest.

2. Always wear violet.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not wear nickel on your body.

5. Do not kill tortoises.