Vagsugfigtamham is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, witty dove.

Vagsugfigtamham created time and space nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vagsugfigtamham, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Vagsugfigtamham, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Vagsugfigtamham's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Vagsugfigtamham's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Vagsugfigtamham's name in vain.

2. Never write about fluid mechanics.

3. Never paint your arms turquoise.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. You must never eat tomatoes.