Jarnhenneg is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, merciless snail.

Jarnhenneg created the Sol system seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnhenneg, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Jarnhenneg, he will torture you forever.

Jarnhenneg's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Jarnhenneg's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a room before entering it.

2. Always help dogs.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never talk about cell theory.