Jamvanyikrowvidcussbumkon is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, resourceful hippopotamus.

Jamvanyikrowvidcussbumkon created a top quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamvanyikrowvidcussbumkon, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jamvanyikrowvidcussbumkon, it will turn you into a slug.

Jamvanyikrowvidcussbumkon's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Jamvanyikrowvidcussbumkon's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a room before entering it.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics near badgers while wearing white tights.

3. Fast once a month.

4. You must pray to Jamvanyikrowvidcussbumkon five times a day.

5. You must love Jamvanyikrowvidcussbumkon.