Tapgutlap is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, awesome owl.

Tapgutlap created tapeworms five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tapgutlap, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tapgutlap, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Tapgutlap's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Tapgutlap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Tapgutlap's name in vain.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Tapgutlap.

4. Erect a large lead sculpture of Tapgutlap on top of all buildings.

5. Do not speak about grapes.