Bampansafdim is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, staggering chicken.

Bampansafdim created a top quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bampansafdim, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bampansafdim, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Bampansafdim's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Bampansafdim's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not kill pigs.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bampansafdim.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Seals are not to be trusted.