Damkanzig is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, resourceful centaur.

Damkanzig created the planet Venus two million years ago.

If you believe in Damkanzig, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Damkanzig, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Damkanzig's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Damkanzig's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Damkanzig loves snails, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not eat coconuts.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.