Lidhuggab is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, unjust crab.

Lidhuggab created water eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lidhuggab, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lidhuggab, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Lidhuggab's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Lidhuggab's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of peanuts to great tits while wearing magenta corsets.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

4. Never talk about tortoises.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.