Flatkenbig is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, stupid pig.

Flatkenbig created the planet Earth six million years ago.

If you believe in Flatkenbig, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Flatkenbig, it will not care.

Flatkenbig's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Flatkenbig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about wheat.

2. Never think about spacetime.

3. Never mention cats.

4. Never hop near sharks.

5. Worship no other gods but Flatkenbig.