Gofzakrulldud is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, overgenerous aardvark.

Gofzakrulldud created the Sol system seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gofzakrulldud, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gofzakrulldud, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Gofzakrulldud's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Gofzakrulldud's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Gofzakrulldud in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Gofzakrulldud loves mice, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

5. Never think about thermodynamics near snails while wearing gray shorts and balancing eight carbon spheres on your feet.