Rig is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, deceitful turtle.

Rig created a strange quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rig, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Rig, he will laugh at you.

Rig's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Rig's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your back brown.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never feed melons to swans while wearing indigo jumpers.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.