Vinlarnveen is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, unjust pig.

Vinlarnveen created the world nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vinlarnveen, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Vinlarnveen, it will curse you with boils.

Vinlarnveen's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Vinlarnveen's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never feed garlic to great tits while wearing turquoise coats.

3. Always help otters in need.

4. Do not wear blue clothing.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.