Komquammon is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, awesome crow.

Komquammon created time and space five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Komquammon, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Komquammon, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Komquammon's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Komquammon's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never paint your chest pink.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.