Maphivdub is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, thoughtless clam.

Maphivdub created humankind two million years ago.

If you believe in Maphivdub, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Maphivdub, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Maphivdub's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Maphivdub's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured turtles.

2. Never talk about doves.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.